he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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