dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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