I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize