Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
