Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
