Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
