WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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