I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
accomplished twins. life is a go
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
