I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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