I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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