Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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