She is in my trunk
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
