I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
