i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
