My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
