Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
