he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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