Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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