Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
