OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
