We won't sleep together?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
