goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I made him laugh his dick is mine
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
