The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
