Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
