I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
