I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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