I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
