I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
