I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize