And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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