Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
