Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
