she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
