My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
