matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
