dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
