You can't motorboat a personality
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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