wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
