There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
