I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
