So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
