Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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