duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
