playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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