no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
They took my balls.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
