don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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