Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize