you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
