well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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