What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
