I wish I could punch you in the face.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
