If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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