Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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