Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
