well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
