with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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