You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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