I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
