I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
