Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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