you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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