my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
