You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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