You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
