Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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