There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
