I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
