Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
